I'm back! Here is the legacy Lima xD This episode is dedicated to all that follow me! In particular, Angy, Myriam & Elisetta89 and Sabrina! Good read (it's longish ...)
I often observe the sky. And lose. Some like the dust of stars, or the clear blue of spring. I love getting lost in the clouds at night, I do not like the reassuring things, I never needed it. As a child my mother told me I had to be a Bambi strong. I would have been anyway, even if she had told me I would have been. Left her hold me tight because I knew that she was to need it more than me. Sometimes at night I looked at her to stay quiet, and then ran to the window to travel with the imagination, every cloud had a horizon, shades of gray and restless at the same time reassuring. I am still surprised at my age watch her sleep, in a tight embrace new different from mine, and lose myself in the sky, rocked by the clouds.
was the day of Father's Day, I was 9 years old, the teacher made us do the usual theme. I stood in front of that blank sheet retainer hours. What I write about a father who even knew? During the intermission I found myself surrounded by my classmates who mocked me, pointing. Because I had just left the white sheet, when I was the only one in there to have so many options? it is true, children can be assholes. How many turns of phrase to say that my mother was a whore. But what did they know? It was a small town and rumors turned, but it was like a giant game of telephone. One starts telling, and slowly fades the transmission, and the last receiver understands z! .. What they knew my mother was z. Perhaps their parents had read the book but did not know what happened after the blank page, after the end of the beginning of Isa and Giulia. I could have 4 different fathers, of those four options, I would have done without. Better a white sheet, better look out the window, because it was raining that day, and the clouds in the sky ...
That day I came home with a black eye and broken nose, of course my companions were tanned even worse, I had fought like a caged animal, against a four to defend the honor of her mother. She had a new partner alongside each other for a long time, and despite some slap every now and then departed to my tongue, and I accept it willingly, she was calm and I am a type difficult. It was thanks to him, and the economic stability that resulted from the coexistence that we changed our home. Far from any injury to start fresh, new school for me, just fights. He was retired, and Mom did not work, it would be much easier. The first new home in the evening I went to peek through the keyhole of the bedroom Mom and I saw something that left me speechless, my mother was making out with the old. I turned my heels in red face, he was in my black list now.
The scene that night reappeared before my eyes over and over again, everywhere I turned I was the old man who clung to her, and the thing I irritation was the fact that my mother seemed to enjoy. On returning from school, with yet another bad grade, I saw them in the kitchen, and my vision blurred. I do not know what happened then, I just know that my mother had to call the neighbor to remove me from him. I remember the expression the old man with his fist, he wiped a rigolo of blood that flowed from the side of the mouth. Mom was crying. I had bloody knuckles, and did not even know where I was.
Mom had always wanted a daughter, a girl who can comb your hair and where do braids. With the old man had tried many times to do it, I told him right away, just head shots, just hysteria, Mom had to stay calm, all for the good sister. I saw them talking to the belly that grew slowly, I saw them locked in a bubble, they were a family, the mother had protected her old man now, were going to have a child and I no longer needed. I felt again that sensation, vision began to blur ... but this time I would have been stronger. He would never ricapitato. That little creature would be safe, especially from me.
the day of birth were alone, she and I at home. Aveo ssentito not even the screams, and I was down in the kitchen with headphones over his ears humming Led Zeppelin. My feet were bare, and I happened to step on that white liquid. It was a moment. The panic took hold of me. She screamed my name, asking for help, and I could not ... was stronger than me. I picked up the phone and tried to call the old man. Busy. Then I called the ambulance, babbling address.
"Giulio treasure Hold my hand, listen closely! Please do not leave me alone! "
I could not, looking at her belly to shake and cry, but dared not approach, as she called my name, the more I moved back up to stay with their backs to the wall, while cold sweat down my forehead. It was the longest moment of my life.
returned from the hospital, she and Charles were fine. At the end failed to achieve the long-awaited child. My brother was the same as the old, but had eyes of the same mother, the same that I had. I had never visited him in hospital, we had not made clear what had happened that afternoon, and the silence weighed a ton. You are so fragile and so beautiful holding that baby, once again I felt very distant from that world. An envied him, he would have had a fantastic mom and a dad who would always protected, contrary to what had happened to me. He had a father there. I turned my back on that scene in the eyes of many would look so sweet.
"Honey, come here. I know what goes through your mind, but you're my baby, just because he's there now does not mean that I no longer felt the need to tighten it to you. I know that for you now I no longer need your presence, and no longer believe what I say but ... think this child has the opportunity to have a brother. You have so much love to give Julius, why not give it to him? You must not hesitate to harm him, I know that you could never. I trust you, and he "smiled, and I laid her arms on my little brother. It was true, I would never be left alone.
He began a new chapter for me, my whole world was focused on my new little brother, was built around those blue eyes and those tiny little hands, I was grabbing a finger close to life. Often happened the night I woke up and went to tuck, I often had to feed him to change his diaper, the first smile he did the old man. I never smiled. That boy knew something was wrong with me, he felt ill. One night I stopped to observe it. He looked at me with clear eyes, had the same look of veneration he had with mom or with the old, I could for him there or not, was the same. I felt itchy eyes. I just remember my mother calling me, screaming my name, the old man who pulled me over his right fist straight.
"I'm sorry baby, I know you do not do it on purpose, but ... perhaps it is better for a while 'you're away from Carlo ... just for a bit'..."
I stopped sleeping at night. I was afraid of what my dreams could show me. They could bring the memories, could reveal what part of me that so hard to suppress. Hours I was at the window watching the sky at about 3 am my mother was in her dressing gown to take me to bed, but still not close my eye. In the hands felt his flesh. Groans. Screams. Red. Pain. I woke up sweating, screaming and the quel nome. Decisi che non avrei dormito più, non sapevo ancora come, ma ce l'avrei fatta. Caffè, tv, qualunque cosa. Ma ogni tanto ci ricadevo. Cosa avrei dato per poter...dormire, senza sognare. Anche solo una notte, senza urlare il suo nome, senza... sentirmi crudele. Una sera eravamo tutti attorno alla tv, io ero sdraiato sul divano e cercavo di lasciarmi distrarre da quella bionda che ballava mezzanuda quando... cominciai a sentire quella musica. Mamma al piano forte cominciò a posare le sue dita leggermente, quasi timidamente, sui tasti del pianoforte, Quella musica, prima timida, e poi più corposa riuscì a penetrare nella mia testa, e a travolgermi, non c'era più anything, just notes, one after another, scanned by the rhythm ... and was resting. The next day the old mother and gave me a guitar.
The first time I saw her I was 16. Beautiful as few have had the same age as my mother, if not more, but if you take them very much better. The suffering had scored, and white hair on his head had sprouted quickly ... That raven-haired goddess, came down from the taxi and began looking around, looking lost, the next as usual had a crazy ass and had found another. Gasped when I saw that its sway was heading back home my e.. rang my bell!
I softened the guitar on the bed with my ear against the door I tried to listen as much as possible. His name was ... Andrea ... Andrea Manzoni. That name was not new to me ... but I just could not remember where I heard ... yet it was not a common name in our country ... then such a thing could want from mom?
Azz .... well I liked her voice, warm and a little 'hoarse, as if I would have almost served me coffee to the guests that evening, but mom mailed me in a room with air annoyed. in one way or another I would have finished in the next room, for sure. Why had not let him in? Why
lost time to rearrange the living room?
Spying out the window I saw that the taxi had dropped someone else, a slender, blond girl, who had very little charm. He looked like a spider with braids. It did not seem to be very comfortable, I agree with the woman, indeed. He did not speak, but glanced appealing. I already knew, my mother would send me there with that, while she enjoyed the company of bitches. Not even we were two babies, she looked old enough to sit in the garden, chennesò, with the neighbor's cat. I was not in the least put up with the company that ... had other I programs.
looked at them ... do not look alike at all, she had her hair brown eyes he blacks, e.. Well, it was quite a mouthful, the girl was blonde with blue eyes and amber skin. C'azzeccava not even a bit 'with her.
Somebody up there must love me mlto really well, just because Andrew came in, the girl remained in the garden, watching his toes. He was visibly embarrassed and insisted he played with her pigtails. Shortly after it began to rain, despite everything she stood motionless. This confirmed my thesis, was a very very strange. I began to strum a bit 'with a guitar remain there watching from the window. I must have done a bit 'too much noise because she turned around and looked at me with those eyes fixed green water. They were huge. I am a bit ashamed 'of myself and closed the curtain back and listen at the door. From behind the white curtains I could see that she had not stopped looking in my direction, and despite all his eyes seemed to continue to follow my movements, but this was impossible. I knew it. The completely turned their backs trying to forget that the poor thing was in the rain, I felt guilty for having tried, and she had made her pay me with a glance. Would happen in the future countless times. is his special power, coem I always say.
Andrea was staring at my mother with wide eyes and look alluring. A not so very often the meetings. Through the keyhole, could not understand what was going on either, nor what they were saying.
"Julius, I know you're eavesdropping on, stop immediately! Scusalo Andrea, but my son is a born meddler! "
" Ahaha! Why, what do you want it! Are you guys! At this age are all like that! Even my Emma gives me many problems! After all sixteen are being a bit 'hard ... "
" Andrea, we come to the point ... what are you doing here. I do not think there is nothing to say to us ... "
" Stop ... I read the book e. .. I'm here to thank you "
Then he read the book to my mother ... but that had nothing to do? I rested my cheek on the wood of the door, who cares if I figure dell'impiccione? The girl, Emma, had stopped looking at me and did give me back.
"Look, I ... is only a book, people and events are random, it could have happened to anyone. "
" The I know, too bad that the book you talk about my family, and your family. "
" I do not have the evidence! "
" Calm down Julie, and stop being always on the defensive! I'm not here to sue you, money to tap it. I am here to thank you! You're the only one to have taken the side of my father ... You've described the man who is ... a good man. "
" I ... I do not know what to say ... "
I saw her look in the library and pull out a dusty old manuscript. He showed a photo framed, was to be one of my brother. The cleaned every morning ... as if dusting could erase a frame what had happened. What he had not written in the book. Eventually the publisher had chosen to remove it.
"is he? Giulia was your copy ... "
Mom started to cry ...
Andrea came over to my mother, and pressed her to himself. How small it seemed now, as she sobbed, I tried to open that door and take her, protect her from the CEH that truth hurts a lot.
"I know, I know dear ... calm, was not your fault ... he ... He is now in Heaven, and protects us from up there ... I ... I know it's a pain to lose a child e. .. and I know you will never abandon anyone ... that's why I'm here ... "Mom
broke away from her and looked down quizzically.
is why I am here ... What does it mean? "
" Emma ... "
" Forget it! The terms were clear! I've paid you, and very handsomely to take care of that girl, I do not even want to see any more ... "
We understand nothing ... Mom had apgato woman to take care of the girl who was in the yard?
My mother opened the door of my room and discovered to eavesdrop-
"Julius, you leave the house and go get a walk, these are not your business"
"But Mom! Shit, I've promised not to lie because ... "
" I know what I promised you Giulio! But in this case can not meet these terms, I'm sorry! If you trust tuamadre hours you're going to get a ride! "
threw a last look at the bombshell, I took my jacket and walked away, I hear the sound of the door slamming, but I was still lying in wait to be able to hear however, the following conversation.
"Even in the book you spoke, I think that social workers would not be very happy if they knew that you want to leave your daughter ... risk of losing even the small and Julius! Do not believe that I am not ready for anything! "
" I knew it! Other than saying thank you! You just wanted to blackmail me! Next, tell me what you want to keep you Emma! "
" You're incorrigible! I do not even want to see! yet it is your daughter! "
" It's not my daughter! is the daughter of the USA! The man who ruined my life! I only put a signature DICK! "
My mother was quite upset. I tried to remember what he said about the book but ... at that time was not a passionate reader and I was not gone beyond the first chapter. I was going to come in and break your nose to the woman when she put her hand on his shoulder, and his eyes asked me to enter. I made the bold air space and allows it to do. It was just a mess. Throw a punch against a beam, and everyone in the living room turned to look.
Mom ran over to me and dragged me into the kitchen for Medicare.
"Julie, I swear I'll explain everything later. Do you trust me? "
Emma, meanwhile, had gone to embrace Andrea, I did not understand precisely nothing. One wants to leave and you run the meeting with open arms? That would be even stranger than I thought.
"Julia ..." came forward Andra "do not you give it back because I want the money ... I love Emma, the earthen with me if I could, but she can not stay with me ... its problems are ... too big. Only you can ... help now. "
" I? and how can I help you if you do not even know to help my son? "
I could not tell if he was referring to me or my brother ... One thing was certain, knowing che Emma avesse seri problemi io non avevo dubbi.
"Giulia, scegli, o tieni Emma, o io chiamo l'assistente sociale."
Andrea abbracciò Emma e se ne andò, lasciando le sue valigie nell'atrio,
Così, la donna della mia vita prese il taxi e se ne andò, lasciando mia madre in preda ad una crisi di nervi, e quella strana ragazza nel nostro salotto. Mentre mamma cullava Carlo io me ne andai in camera mia. Ormai non c'era più nulla di interessante per me, e sicuramente la faccia di quella avrei potuto vederla anche domani mattina... e quella dopo ancora. Tnto era ancora lì property, where Andrea had left, I had no doubt that there would remain even after breakfast. I'd read the book. I had a good reason to do so now. I wanted to know who was the sister sister. Mom was not yet ready to talk about it, and the old man would come back at any moment by the club of gardening ... do not pull air.
I spent the entire morning in front of the pc, msn with my girlfriend and playing xy3. I had completely forgotten about the new roommate, and I remembered when I tried to peek through the door. Incredi, nothing had changed, she was indeed still standing in the living room next to his bags. He did it again, turned to me and stared at me making me feel guilty.
"What the fuck thou hast to be fixed in time!"
She said nothing, stared at, and even changed his facial expression.
"It is not possible, but what are you a robot? last night is that you're here still! and not even speak! What the hell! Stop being the victim! Just because your mother has abandoned mica is the hay of the world! "
I know, I had been too rough with her, but at that time I was more stupid than now, and she was more inscrutable than now . Not said a word, when I tried to approach took a step back e. ..
... and began to cry. Not that he began to sob or cry, did not complain either, just that a lot of the silent tears flowed from her eyes. You could see he was trying to quit, but just could not take it. I found out that Emma is worse when you do not see that when you look at it. I tried to get close to try to apologize, but she continued to retreat, and retreat, until he fell back in his suitcase stumbling with a dull thud. I rushed to help her up but she drew back immediately, it was then that my mother entered the room and jumped on me to stop me.
"Fuck Mom, I just wanted to help her get up! You may not believe me ever! "
He followed me into the kitchen.
"How can you give me wrong? I was only nine years, and those kids are over the first aid! You Incalci a rib to your father and your brother have tried to suffocate! How can you give me wrong! "
" Even with these stories! It's been 3 years since that time and I was not me! You continue to accuse! Cazo How many times do I have to apologize? And then that old is not my father. "
" Julius! "
" No mom! is true, I have been with that bastard, but I have not touched with a finger, is tripped by myself! But did you see? You do not even stand up on your feet! last night is that it is of the firm, and I never heard her say a word! "
" I know, but ... we must give it time! Why do not we try to give yourself a hand, eh? It tries to apologize, try to make friends ... "
" Mmmm, this speech reminds me of another story .... Julie darling, you have so much love to give! Do you remember what happened then? I prefer to hold it for me my love! "
the rest of the day I stood outside in the garden, think and look at the sky and its clouds. Mom had talked to Emma, had even tried to put across, but to no avail, because she did not utter a word, and I had no intention of doing so. He could try to infinity, this time I'd fallen there. The next day was Sunday, Monday I had to take her to school. It would have been quite a blow to my reputation presented with a case. I got up from the table and went noncurane. It was about midnight looking out I noticed that the window was still there, and that she was staring at me from below with those of its massive eyes wide open. I went downstairs and loaded it to me in his arms, knowing that he would not resist.
"I'm Julie, this is the last time I'll be babysitting. This is your bed, this wardrobe you can use for your stuff. Do what you want, but do not break my balls ok? "
course did not answer.
"Baby You get the idea?"
I looked terrible, that meant he understood, and that for the first time he had reacted.
"Good."
She kicked my guitar by dropping it on the floor and went to take the suitcases. She had awakened.
"And who are you?"
were the first words that Brittany, my girlfriend turned to Emma. Moreover it was ten o'clock in the morning, and I do not think it was a great for her to get home and see her boyfriend a girl half naked in her living room.
"I asked you who you are, bitch cabbage! Now I'll explain a very simple concept ... Julius is mine! I know, I know, is a popular type pier e.. Well, almost every girl in our school's drooling behind but ... this matters little to me. And I have won! Three months that we are going steady, and do not believe that just because you've fucked a night he now wants to be with you! "
I watched the scene from a corner holding back the laughter, the scene was surreal! Emma apparently remained completely indifferent to the anger of Brittany, and of course did not open his mouth.
"But who do you think you fool! Answer me at least! But I ... "
had to intervene, or my girlfriend would have literally torn to pieces!
"Sugar, let loose! just my sister! Imagine if I go to bed with my sister? "
" Macchi sister and sister! Did not you ever talk! Invented the biggest dance on! Do you really think I'm stupid? At least admit it! Someone like you, with someone like her who is haunting the house, there is nothing! "
" I with it? A so I do not even touch with a stick! Pretty much everything you've said the first she has not even understand! He lives in a world of his own! Anyway she is Emma! Emma, she is my girlfriend, Brittany! By B. Come let's go ... "
B. coem kept looking at me if I was taking about, was when Emma sat in front of the plane saw that I was not totally lying, but that Emma had not really understood. He stood there and looked at the piano, dreamily, as if he had never seen one in his life.
"But that which has the?"
"And I know I want that! I repeat, live in his world! "
" I really do not ever cheat on me? "
" You really have exceeded the high mountains, dreadful storm and ferocious dragons to conquer? "We started laughing. While I heard Bach
lemonade, and opening his eyes I saw that it was not because we had accidentally leaning on the cd ... Emma was. Emma was playing the piano, e. .. it sounded good. I could not figure out how ... first she looked at him and then ... it was as if played by a life. I did not understand.
"He plays the piano? Emma You know you play piano? "
" B. How do I know! has been here for two days and has never done anything normal! Listen ... My mother is old and out, Emma will be here to play until it is to pull your fingers from the keys, you feel like? "
we move away from her, but inside I was a sense of unease, and this saw the Brittany. It was the first crack in what I innocently called report. She thought of me, I looked out the window, and the clouds looking for answers to my questions.
Months passed, and soon came the birthday of Charles. 4 years. Unbelievable. Mom took him to the cake, it was just us at the party's most amiglia Emma. Brittany was still in a quandary with respect to mother, after he had caught having sex on his bed. Emma had to take pictures, but as usual, was not very reliable. Of course, had improved, he knew to go to school alone and sometimes seemed listen to our conversations, but other than that ... did not speak. Me and mom thought it was dumb, the old man did not care and sometimes secretly watched her with making weird. I always knew he was an old pervert, but he had enough balls to come forward, and this left me quiet. That day I decided to put Emma to the test, to finally discover whether or not he spoke.
"Emma, take out the candles on the cake!"
"Julius! But you say you dont see that lights up? it may be hot! Emma No, darling let it go "
" Come on Mom, it's for science! "
" Idiot! Son that I fool am? "Strangely
Emma obeyed me, not my mother, and really took the candles, but once again left us with his mouth open, because the first died one by one and then gave them to me in hand. Emma - Giulio 1-0.
Carlo was identical to the old. It was not a pretty boy, but my mother is an illusion to the contrary. It was much pampered by his parents, at times I saw him interact with Emma for the first time I saw her play. I do not know if my eyes would be more strange to see my brother to give confidence to anyone other than mom or dad, or see Emma smile. I stayed to watch them interact, and even though they both knew that they were observed, not distracted by my presence. Soon it would be finished the first quarter last year. Soon I would have moved away from that wacky family, I probably would have lost the progress of Charles, and even those of Emma. Perhaps, from there she would not even five years was no longer with us.
On the school was shit. The report card I sent clear messages, or gave me a move, or I would have been rejected. Not that I went wrong in all subjects, but my number one problem was math. That has to do algebra with real life? In the paper I will never know what is equivalent 3XY? I just do not understand. Pity that because of one failure at risk of losing a year. My mother would certainly be angry. It was not their day, rather than endure yet another fight with my favorite turn around and drown my sorrows in alcohol. Will I drank a dozen beers and a few cocktails is not well explained, before feeling ready to go home. It was ten o'clock at night, and fortunately my parents were out. Emma was at home alone with the baby. This may seem a fortune for you, but it was not. Everything fell from that point forward.
Staggering managed to climb stairs and to get to the door of my room, inside we found Emma intent to study. It was strange. He had an angry look and pensive, it seemed so normal and so ... beautiful. I stopped to observe it, full of questions that would not have been answered until ... not collapsed to the ground like a stone of potatoes. She spun around, maybe this just did not expect, and I burst out laughing like an idiot, unable to get back on their feet.
"Emma, Emma! You think I'm stupid, but I'm not ... "I started rolling on the floor laughing like an idiot. She stared for a moment and then turned on his books. This was strange. It had never happened.
"What is Emma? I do not find much more interesting? Why do not you stare like you usually do? Why do not you make me feel like shit like you usually do instead? Suddai ... There is a crazy drunk who is rolling on the ground like an idiot e. .. you do not look "I continued to laugh and I tripped over my own feet, falling to the ground yet, she continues to ignore.
I followed her into the kitchen, downstairs, still stumbling and stammering nonsense. I could not tell if they were the fumes of alcohol or other .. but I was preparing something against Emma booze ...
"Emma ... Emma, do not you even a little curious? Why will not you consider me as you did with the piano? You could stare at for a couple of minutes and then ... I know, you learn to play me as I say ...! I would not mind at all ... "I laughed and I went up to her, putting my face in his neck, pushing a bit 'in her hair, and smelling the smell ... with her hands touched her hips and my fingers slowly ascended until his belly under his tank top ... for a few seconds the time seemed to stop, no noise, no vibration ... I stopped, she stopped. A second later I held the groin, rolling on the ground in pain. No girl ever told me no, and absolutely never any girl tried to kill my manhood if I may say so.
In a moment, however, could also Regains lucidity, and making 2 plus 2, I realized that I had done enormous bullshit. I followed her again, but this time with very different intentions ...
"Emma .. sorry! From I'm sorry, I was an idiot! Ie .. you know I would never do such a thing! Especially you! Fuck! Emma stopped for a moment and let me explain! I flunked, I have to say goodbye to university if I fail the exam algebra e. .. you do not understand a couple of beers we were going to distract me! Yes, I know that with you to try it was not very nice, but I repeat, I was there with my head, I swear I would never do sober! "
He turned and pulled me in a slap straight face, and was burning a lot more than I pulled my mother as a child.
"Emma, at least not to tell Brittany, or the mother and the old!"
"What we should not know us? What is this ... Giulio're drunk! "
That night the old man improvised model father. While he was telling me about how dangerous it was alcohol at my age I stared at him, and thought about what looked like Santa Claus.
"Dear Santa, I think I was a good boy this year because I have not beaten anyone ... I want for Christmas ... 10 bottles of rum! Yes, because you said you can not drink beer because it hurts so ... to withstand the old man who married my mother while I'll have to find a way to escape, no? "
not let him even have time to respond because ... I vomited on the feet. I spent the rest of the night with his head stuck in the toilet, regretting bitterly all the shit that I did in one night. Emma, dumb or not dumb, I have spoken to. Emma. What a mystery. In a moment's rest I was able to sit on the bathroom floor, more window and looked out, all the clouds reminded me of Emma, I was surrounded by Emma, Emma I could smell, it seemed so real ... I opened my eyes and saw his face was so close to mine, I would have been enough and the slightest movement would have kissed her.
"If I kiss you now I would not have alcohol as an excuse, right?"
She remained motionless and with a little damp I dabbed his forehead, and gave me a glass aspirin, just before I printed out a slight kiss on the forehead. He left me with doubt, I wanted to see, or was it all real?
"They told me that last night you did the fool and threw up on the feet of the old! You went to dancing without me? "
My mother had complained about my wild night with Brittany, she was thinking, now I come to make me even more headaches.
"Dai B. I have a wicked headache, give me treguaaaaa ... "
Emma watched from across the room Somewhere outside the window.
"Mmm ... I know a method foolproof way to make you spend a headache you know? "While
Brittany kissed me I could not help but look at Emma. I wanted to kiss her, I wanted to hug, shake her. He turned and stared at me, so embarrassed that I had to close his eyes, never see her again, but only imagine. There was there she clung to me, and Brittany, Brittany just was not to be in the room, those were not his lips, were Emma E. ..
"Well, Giulio ... cabbage! Listen ... because your mother is not ... "she began to stroke his neck, and I felt so uncomfortable by giving them turn around shoulders and dragging Brit upstairs in my room.
The next morning, from behind the door not the eavesdropped conversation between Brittany and Emma. Do not talk because of course, Emma did not open his mouth.
"I do not think I have noticed how you look? I'll eat with your eyes! Laps around the house half-naked all day, and you always have that look distraught. We tricks, so just because you love dies you play the role dell'incompresa but ... I do not know the the drinking? It may also fall for Julius or his mother or anyone else, but I do not! Among women you will e. .. I hold the hand and congratulate you on an excellent strategy, but now we have finished playing. Resigned. In a few months Julie and I are going to college having a good time 'away from all these idiots are you? You stay here! You will be misunderstood for a lifetime! Grow baby ... You and Julie are two different worlds! "
I could stop it, I could tell her that everything was out of his mouth until then were just crap emeritus. Maa I was afraid. Not Brit, but to me. With Emma around, I did not know how I could resist. Even if I tried to seriously ... if you had told me no, and that part of me was blown out yet? Risk with Emma was not possible.
I had no idea how, but he had done. He had contacted the university. It would be premature start e. .. I would leave. That paragraph is called Emma would be closed permanently if I had not done something. As a mother I wanted to hold the old man opened his mouth to make her stay, the rest had never shared his transfer here. Carlo surely there would have been bad. For him, I had to prevent her from leaving. Yes, I did it for Charles. B. was right ... Emma and I had nothing to do shit with each other. I certainly would not be missed, moreover, that the interactions we had ever had? A kiss that I wanted to be drunk in the toilet? Well, in any case that there would be over all in the toilet. Better, much better. Fewer fish to fry, less problems, not having the kind of zombies around the house would be a solievo, I was stupidly safe.
The weeks before departure were hell. I was under examination, and the added stress of his departure made the wait even more unnerving.
"Emma, always among the bales! It was better when it was enough to put you in a place and you do you're stopping them like a garden gnome! "
This was one of the most polite phrase that I had turned in that period.
A day in the kitchen made me angry for a reason so trivial, that even now I remember, and I began to urlargliene behind all the colors, so that my mother had to intervene to shut my mouth and take me far away as possible from her.
"Julius, but that takes you lately? I hope it's just a stage again! I'm sick of your mood swings! Frighten me! "
I looked straight in the face. It was obvious. He did not understand. With a jerk I went directly to my room without looking back.
"Giulio, tomorrow she goes away .. Apologize to her ... "
" fuck who cares! "
" I ... I know that soon comes your taxi e. .. I do not know shit coem say ... "He looked at me sideways with
irritated look.
"Yes, yes, I know, no bad language, is stronger than me ... maybe if you turn around and look at me I is not easy ...
I was away from her, and did not know how to tell him ...
"Emma is ... being with you I have the impression that words often have too many ... "
Slowly I approached from behind, the distance between me and she was almost untouchable, a breath, around there was silence again, but silence different from that evening ... I could hear the sound of my heart, his pulse slow, slow ... and the beating of his heart ... slowly, in sync with my I heard the sound of leaves, tree branches. The warmth of her body ... without touching it ... I knew, I knew that if I only I had touched, if I gave, that spell would melt in my hands. Osai.
stretched out my hand, almost to touch her cheek, she closed her ochhi, I stopped, breathed deeply ... and I froze them. His eyes were opened. My closed. I left the room. Nothing had happened, no? Yet everything had happened.
She was gone. He hugged my mother, Charles, even the old man. I was left to observe from a distance, at the door. When the taxi left, I had nothing to do but play, play until your fingers have started to bleed. Remember everything. Emma in the rain. Emma, her eyes. Emma, who stumbles. Emma eating. Play, play is the only solution, note by note, focusing only on the notes, only the fingers, remember the sequeza, just follow the right sequence. The rhythm, synchronize the beat of my heart with the rhythm of the song follows the rhythm of my fingers, my heart follows the rhythm, I take care of following my fingers. Emma smiles. Emma looks at me. Emma studied. Emma plays. And I was playing. I was playing Bach on the electric guitar, and a little 'I felt stupid. Dumb because I was playing Bach with electric guitar or because I had left to go?
Everything about her reminded me, every sound every scent, every moment. What troubled me was that I had no reason to be obsessed. there was never anything, even we had never really spoken! This made me even more angry! I spent the rest of the day to play, not eat anything, my obsession flowed from my fingers. Emma. I looked outside, and even the clouds were more comforting to me, it was just a gloomy day, what was a dull day without Emma? And what do you think? Why not I never understood what went through your head? He had always been a question mark, and I, I never noticed what I had under my nose. I had only to open an umbrella and get from her that day. But I did, I gave up too many times!
would have gone anyway, no matter what I did she would go anyway. So why I did not take advantage? I could grab that afternoon, before she departed, I could hold on to me strong, and I did not even scream because I would have taped over your mouth with a kiss. I did not care if she was struggling, because it seemed impossible even just the idea of letting her go. I devoured her lips, her body close to me, I passed my fingers through his hair. Would leave the same, but at least I would have stopped to relive that moment with remorse. And if I did, and that instant he became a drug? He would have gone anyway, but maybe pissed off ... I had that moment. And if she returned my kiss? if she was putting down at his hand on my cheek and the kiss was sweet, if he was rocking as if she had stayed ... and if ... it broke between my fingers a guitar string, and I went out of the trance. The reality was even worse than fantasy.
"... Ehm Academie Le Tour? "
I called the office and I took courage, if Mohammed will not go to the mountain, the mountain goes to Mohammed. I was too young to have remorse, regret or something. If everything had gone wrong Brittany was always there waiting. Emma. I was going to her. But she wanted me? The thing I did not care, I was wanting to her, to need her. An absolute need.
And so ... Congratulations to those who came this far! You have won ... A washing machine and toilet sewer brothers! Congratulations!
