you still remember of Lima? As usual my unreliability hit e.. I have not finished chapter six! Well, I finish today! Excuse me? I pretend to be, p
Yanez, Yanez still with me, even in silence. I like to think our eyes fleeting understood them, I liked to think that we did not need words, although each time I repeat it that this was the last Once, I was wrong, AGAIN. I do not know what bind us to say that you were to tie it seems to me ... it was obvious what was before, they were our roots, our needs were pushing us into the vortex of madness and addiction that we wanted it we could not define love. Maybe still do not know what love is, I only know that it was a different thing. So why did it? Being adult does not mean having all the answers ... it just means having more regrets for not having the right answers.
The first day of your birthday was not celebrated properly. Our family was and still is a small group and impenetrable. We were not types of dinners with friends or weekends at the lake, we were the kind of family that watches TV on Saturday night. You, the following projects would become a good guy kennedy male sex after shaking hands for the excellent teamwork. I know, it's a bit 'me smile even in the thing. But he was really so. Your eyes ask me if I also had plans for you ... you were my pet.
Watching fortunately were identical to me. No one would ever have doubts about your paternity blacks having their hair and the typical features of our Lima. Kennedy at least not leaked any suspicion and treated you as if I were his son, reading the morning financial news and teaching you to count the grains of rice ... because even as a child you had toys. They had to temper your temper, went back ... I do not know it was survival instinct against Kennedy or desire to give a father. Went back ... maybe get away from my mother and from that marimon side, and you do not exist.
That night I had another of my dreams / flashbacks. There was my mother, I clutched in my arms and I had ... that could not be a real ... she does not remember you had never picked up, at least not under my eyes ... quellì'immagine yet was so clear in my head ... I woke up with a start, the beads of sweat slid down my forehead and the scar on my neck began to throb. That night was never clear my memories ni? With my husband argmento was taboo, and something in my mind seemed to want to "censor" those unpleasant memories. But I needed to know. I tried, I tried to keep in mind while slowly, step by step my feet touched the cold marble of the hall to pick up a bit 'of ice. That injury did not seem to want to heal, and inside me I was sure would come with the knowledge that even a hypothetical cure.
lost in this ugly thoughts I looked out the door of your room ... .. I watched you sleep I wondered if you were dreaming. if your dreams or nightmares were like .. mei. Because you were there that night, you had seen it all, you knew that ... I'm your mother I would have to protect yourself from everything that is bad and can hurt you ... and I did not ... I read your mind, remove away all the bad memories and replace them with fond memories ... rainbows and sunshine ... hugs and smiles ... I would like to give you the memory of a close family, I wish I had the power to change the past, even if at this moment I can not even change our future, I who am your mother I should be your rock, not your loss.
Another night, another nightmare .. this time is different. Kennedy and my mother arguing, he squeezes his arm, puts his fingers knotted in his skin, leaving grooves, I pull the flesh, I see my mother's eyes open wide .. I hear screaming, but its not ; my tongue, I do not understand their words, I feel that something is going to happen .. but what, what? Maybe I'm wrong, maybe not fight, no, my mother is simply relapse in his madness, he .. he just wants to block it, he just wants to calm her down, I reach out my hands and they do not notice me. I am a spectator, I'm far away from them, as indeed they are in real life. I always felt inactive than those around me ....
We will re-washed and washed, the stain would not come on ... Rub on your skin to turn purple ... under the incredulous eyes of Kennedy, that you could not explain my osessione. Rubbed and rubbed, with his throat and closed her eyes swollen from crying, I wanted to lift away from your skin, the mark of destiny, so that everything would be different for you. That night my husband found me curled up and rocking in the corner of a bathroom, sitting on the carpeting soaked with tears and water, you in my arms, curled up, her hair still wet, my hands together behind my neck, the other holding a sponge and scrubbed, rubbed again, in silence, only my sobs, and your tears. I removed you from my arms with disgusted look, I slumped to the ground, the pain became mute. around me only water and silence, which was noise.
I must have fallen asleep because for the umpteenth time I dreamed my mother ... she had you and hold you and then ... then tried to stuck behind the fridge. It seemed paradoxical thing, but she, perhaps in the throes of an attack .. he was trying to kill you. your little head had become cyanotic ... .. and I watched helplessly. No, not yet, to my mind wanted to rebel, rebel to the vision that made me evil ... now I remember, now that I knew I could wake up ... but my knees gave way, no, I did not know, yet the pieces of the puzzle were reunited .... I, I attacked my mother, yes, I did, I avvinghiai crushing squeezing his neck, watching her eyes in disbelief, looking into her madness, she tried to defend himself with his nails, I scratch ... his blood was going to soil my white robe, then two strong hands grabbed me and pushed me far away into the wall ... .. pain on my neck ... .. I feel blood on my fingers.
Everything became hazy, screams, anger. noise of slaps, words that I did not understand ...
"Weak, you're just a weak ... horned "
" She asked me, I can not continue to deny it, I do not care what the consequences will be upon you! "
Kennedy angry that he beat and shook her by the head go up and down My mother, who nonetheless reacted ... I drag my knees avverrai you, you shook, and while behind me the quarrel continued, adagiai in the cradle your body, you covered it with blankets and sighed because aware that anything too strong, the inevitable was going to happen, too much anger , too much pain hovered in that house, everything turned on our fragile bodies, two personalities too strong you were clashing, and the two of us we found the powerless power in our eyes, I wanted to have you inside me, to protect you better, so you do not see what you've seen anyway.
slapped yet again screaming, now I was shut in her room in the dark, hidden behind the darkness of our closet, to hear the sounds, the sound of a loud slap, the roar of Kennedy the screams of my mother, I will cradle, and tried to make you fall asleep, it seemed that they had forgotten our presence, my lullaby accompanied imperceptible your dreams, your eyelids trembled, as the rest of my fingers ... through the shutters I saw the vibrant light of the moon gemometrie draw on the floor ... noting that little spell of light, almost forgetting that there was hell we select the door, I breathed deeply, tried to grab the phone, dial the 311 ... but then I was struck by a strong light eyes, now hell had moved into our room. She ran towards me and I grabbed it, I desperately tried to protect you, you took me by the hair, scratched my back ... I woke up. Now I was in the real world, but also the dream seemed more real than reality itself.
In the kitchen Kennedy had just finished giving you the bottle, I looked, there was feeling among you, any more than there is between us, I wanted to ask him, I wanted to ask him that night, but I knew it could not, because whatever happened, had to be forgotten . I went to do my duty, sparecchiai the table and washed the dishes, I stroked his cheek and kissed your forehead. The night came down over our heads, we expected a nice nap, I expected a night in the arms of my husband. I pulled out from under the sink without being seen, my bottle of vodka, I have relied on the language of medicine and took a long sip, then another, and another ... would be a long night, that I preferred not to remember. I prepared on the bed, I remembered my wedding night, and the promise that Kennedy had not yet maintained. I saw his shadow in contrast to the light of the door, smiles, but it was just bitterness.
That night I dreamed, I dreamed of but only my mother, sitting on the floor, and seemed so fragile, and yet infinitely beautiful. If there is one thing that has never lost its beauty. I could hold her in that hug I ever received ... and much deisderato I had always wondered if that woman could radiate heat, frost if that was only apparent, as if there was something. But questions were useless, she was dead, it was cold, I would never knew a time when that body was warm. I slipped in the shower to remove the smell of my skin, to forget yet another humiliation ... but it was stronger than me, I knelt down and under running hot shower also vomited blood. with one hand closed the bathroom door so as not to hear the noise, and threw the soul. When cleaning everything I could think that maybe a person could rispndere my question .. my father. He knew if this woman knew how to love, but it was far away .. who knows where. And Kennedy was still trying. I wiped my mouth and I watched in the mirror, my face on the same spot of blood I saw on yours, we were branded ... behind me I saw my mother ... in voltrmi disappeared. A cold shiver went through my back.
I know, it was very short, I perdonooooooo! Call at least I hope you enjoyed as well ... many commented xD xD
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