Happy Monday! Updating Lima entirely dedicated to Angy! As written on the cover of the rest: P. The novelty is that Isabella will not tell ... .. but Keith! Happy reading and, hopefully, have fun!
I hate talking about myself, and I was hoping this moment never comes. I always thought to be a normal person too, too bland to be cited. I grew up in a trailer outside the periphery of moonisland alone with my mother. I know, the last phrase seems a contradiction ... but living with a mother who does not distinguish you from the dog because of the amount of alcohol in the body does not make you less lonely. Grow up thinking that there is no way out .. and then see YOU. The woman who dreams during his high school years, the woman who never think you look. She comes to you and your life changes. You begin to want nothing more than her, his breath on your neck, your hands on his skin. A new hope will make you happier than ever, that you never make it empty. Because despite the family we created, although the new life that we live together, nothing, nothing will let me down more, nothing can make me want to be able to go back just as strong and live a life without any sense ... without her.
More and more I look at them I think something is wrong. That girl so like me, and yet so far away from me. YOU who can naturally Starla away hours without feeling the need that those fragile fingers touch the palm of his hand. Giulia is a drug for me, seeing them is a drug, and despite my being dependent on my family I could not be farther away. The work swallows all my energy, it feels like I sucked all ... from the inside. Do not do it for me, I've never been an ambitious ... I do like to observe them from afar. Watch this far out of tune and picture. Smiling ... and try to join it. Then ... I do not understand where the error is in the subject is in the observer. Has nothing, neither in nor out. Despite this excruciating pain, I smile, I choke all the kiss and go. I walk away, because they think I feel closer to them than being physically.
Squeeze and hear me, even for a moment. and so tighten, tighten, and tighten it again until you hear her. Why in this one-sided relationship I am able to lose. She is a milestone in its coldness, its inaccessibility. You know, and I am circling around the tip of his fingers. A gesture would be enough to bring down all around me. Can not say you love me, love me not, not to think, but just a gesture, a movement of his finger ... and then tighten it, and I still feel it, once again, and know that it will never be and despite all string string and hear her.
always easy to judge. Quarrel, make peace, and return to immerse themselves in this vicious circle. You do not need me, and I believe I know, but it is not easy. The next morning I wake up, and I want her, the night I come home, dead tired, and I still want her. Despite this passion is one-sided I let dominate. I hate to think of the downsides of this. Giulia is the ... she will never change ... but why think when the desire is strong enough to not let you breathe? Who has never asked for a change? Who ever asked to love me? Maybe I should think before they act, but when the desire leads you all this is impossible.
All these speeches make it look like a femme fatale. Make it look cool. But she is not. There are moments where I forget all the questions about his past and our present and I see before me a different person. Sure, you say that there is a potential absurdity, in short, is not a household appliance .. but I like to think that after all is quite different. I like to believe in yourself and believe in us.
Giulia is very lively, we can not lose sight for a moment, you see that has a lust for life, and I think that during his teenage years we will many problems, but I know that together we can make it. it is nice to see that something is born and grows before your eyes, and know that something you did yourself. Isa does not appreciate all this liveliness, and its inherent disorder that ultimately does not belong to neither. For that as she is addicted to cleaning, to see his daughter with his hands deep in the toilet is inconceivable. Runs immediately to take it out of them. Even if you do not want to see even in itself, is a good mother.
One day I saw her in the rain by the sea on which we were married. I still remember that day ... she told me that she loved me ... and I smile I ignore it, because we had hoped. We never talked about, we do not talk about these things, but when I see it as the fear rises in me that she wants to leave ... and take away our daughter. Do not see her, not to hear the laughter at the thought of Julia .. I am losing my mind. When I think of it, staring off into space, I feel a strange sensation in the bottom of the stomach, and choke all the questions that come to mind ... is difficult to admit to yourself that the person you love does not turn will share his thoughts.
In those moments when I feel more irrazzionale razzionale that, I let myself be absorbed by other things. Clean the house, fix the sink, anything not to brood. is a refuge ... it is reassuring to see that at least one thing in our lives is directly managed by us.
is our anniversary ... amazing 5 years we are together ... I decided to make the amrit model. I riordianto whole house, I made a tart cherries, her favorite, by candlelight in our small kitchen. Julia sleeps in the next room, it took quite a while 'patience and his favorite book of fairy tales to make addormantare. I plan to make no noise and look through the curtains of the window to see what time Isa will return from work. is late, even today. When he returns, I realize that it was Lost, and embracing her feel about her a different smell.
"I understand."
"What do you see? You never got it! "
" I forgive you ... "
walked out the door and went to the beach ... I needed calamrmi, still find the strength to cross the threshold of that door and pretend nothing. Find the courage to take risks again, to believe in you
She looked away, his gaze not leaked any emotion. Of course not I stopped.
is impossible! The shower is still broken! And we do not have the money to fix it! I break your back behind Julie and my work, and you know just feeling sorry for himself! I do not see in what conditions vivamo!? Keith, stop crying and grow, a good time! "
" is not always easy for you to open your mouth. You live only for yourself! Do not you care about Julia, it's home, and you know what the worst thing? I can not even get mad at you! because it is useless, so you're done, you're that you will never understand! Every morning when you get out the door to "go back to split the" I wonder if you'll come back home. The nice thing is that lately I hope you do not do it ... "
" Give me a reason to come back here then! "
" The mere fact that you're asking me urges me not to tell. " ;
"Listen to me Keith. I do not know if you understand, but my friends are far more powerful than yours. One more word and you'll see even more Giulia not in stock, get it? And if you think that I will not be able're wrong! "
"But .."
"Not a word more Keith! You crossed the line! It should be 'to repair the shower, supper is ready soon, you'll never want to face the questions that Julia is not it? Keith's why you do not want, right? "
The day of the sixth birthday of Julia did not want me to rub Isa as the previous times. I went to lie down because I felt weak lately .... I heard laughter coming from the kitchen, Julia was about to blow out the candles ... I concentrated all my strength on my legs, trying to get up, not even lose that important moment of the his life after a foot ... carpeting on the other .... I managed to get up ...
"Arrival, wait for arrival eh, Giulia prepared because now Dad will make a beautiful picture!"
"Daddy Come on, hurry up!"
At that moment an excruciating pain to the stomach ... I was struck by burning, suffocating .... I took a deep breath, gathered all his strength back in his body and went into the room smiling like never before. Juliet did not think I did not want or Isa .. I was too happy!
Giulia is modestly the most beautiful girl in the world! Aside from red hair is the same as her mother Isa. When I arrived they were already taglaindo the cake. She felt really hurt because once again I failed. But how to explain them the truth? Should I tell her that her mother is a bitch to boycott our relationship only because she is a selfish self-centered? No I can not. Julie deserves a childhood, a child is so sweet ...
For the birthday I had saved and bought a new bedroom ... a bed, a desk, and lots of toys! For now, she can not to appreciate, because it is still too small, but I gave her a big hug, under the gaze of my wife unfriendly. is rare between me and Julia in physical contact. The fake protective instincts of Isa affezzioanrsi to prevent it from ... who knows what he tells me when I'm gone. But as long as I am here, nothing will take her away.
Our arguments are becoming more frequent fights over silly things. When we do Giulia runs to jump into the water. This reminds me of his mother, he hates even the thought that someone might see her cry. is tipino a strong and determined, will career. I'm already saving for his college .. maybe .. diventeràmedico or lawyers .. I have big plans for my daughter, she certainly will not disappoint my expectations.
"Julia, you have made to sit at the table! O no man ever marry you! "
" Mom but I'm too young to marry! And then, my husband is a prince on a white horse will come and take me away far away, we live in a giant castle, with lots of servants, and will take with us also you and Dad! As in the book that I always read every night ... "
" Julia, do not be silly! and then, if your father can not even be present on your birthday, do you think would come and live with you? You're made up, otherwise your prince charming when you see it so badly put to use the horse scape "
" Mom, your Dad is Princie blue? "
again. .. never stop? My head spins turns me .. .. me .. maybe I should turn to visit me a few colleague, you can not go on like this those painkillers do not work anymore. Julia .. I feel like calling me from the other room ... is his first day of school picture ... .. it takes a step by step ... white.
"But where is mom dad? He was here a moment ago .. fno wanted me the photo! Wait, I'm going to find it! "
" No forget Julia, as usual, found something better to do ... I'm so sorry baby, come on you I do the photo, then it shows it to him right? " ;
"But Mom! It is not lying cosaaaaa! Come on, it takes me a while, I run it takes me a second, I promised him that I salutavaaaa "
" Julia! Obey your mother, do not mess with me eh! Get your things and go up ull'autobus "
" But mammaaaaa "
" Julia! You know I hate to repeat things! Run to the bus, no pictures! "
watch her sleep ... That look peaceful, stretch your arms seem to embrace who knows who, in the darkness ...
"Today was not there! Not that interests me ... but you complain that you do not leave much to be with Isa, who boycott your relationship ... this time was not my fault "
"Sono malato Isa..."
"Questa è bella Keith! Io sono più furba di te, lo sai, queste balle puoi farle bere a Giulia, non a me!"
"Dico sul serio Isa. Ho fatto delle analisi...dovrei avere l'esito tra un paio di giorni..."
"Sei un cretino!..."
Bacio quella piccola fronte prima di andare a lavorare. Devo aspettare un mese per il risultato di quelle analisi...e dire che l'avevo chiesto come favore ad un amico! A quanto pare neanche le mie conoscenze possono avvantaggiarmi in questi casi. La mia più grande paura è Giulia tell ... how to tell her that her dad is sick? But it's useless to jump to conclusions ... it could very well be the pressure, the change of season or stress ... all overtime in recent months ...
Am I missing the best days of my childhood. Isa can not find the time to work, put the horns and be with her ... and me? I am so helpless, I fight against what? Maybe not even in my absence weighs Giulia ... why should I be so selfish and can not be content to see her happy? Why can not stifle the need to see her laugh and play with ... me?
Giulia is not a top school. The teachers say that she's not stupid ... but there is something underneath, even asked us if there are problems at home. She asks what's wrong with her .. because all the children alri make it and she did not. I wonder where I'm wrong, because despite my efforts to give her a good life .. everything can be in vain.
Isa as a good mother takes in the Nazi press. The study hours ago. Poor, are days that hardly sees the light of the sun! Of course I do not or no say, and I shall merely observe all from a distance. Isa can not understand what is lucky to have a child like Julia ... maybe I'm missing something ... after Isa told her the disease is different ... you're worried? He asks me every day when I received the analysis. I'm beginning to think that perhaps all is not lost ... maybe Julia has changed.
The results of Julia are getting better ... maybe because of Ritov & serenity at home lately ... Isa is the most comprehensive, most do not sleep on the couch and the three of us seem to be a family. I stopped with shifts suffocating to stay with them, everything is finally as I wish. Today he brought home his first 10 +. I'm so proud of her!
"Julie is great! Finally, I recognize in you my daughter! Fortunately, besides the red hair you have not taken anything from your father! "
" Mom, you know I hate when you say these things about my father! "
" Come on baby, if you follow the advice of your mother finally become a good match and we will place both for old age! "
"And Dad?"
"Daddy, Daddy, Daddy! Also in his head! You're great, you should understand by now! He does not want you, you're a crab for him! Why do you think there is never your birthday? Because it is never at home? Why do I get tired of you ... you have disappointed Giulia "
I wake up in the rain again ... I fainted ... I do not know what time it is .. . I feel like throwing up ... do not know if it is ver strong pain in the sternum or the temples ... I do not know where they are ... the forces are less ... pictures are running through my head ... the my father's hand squeezing mine on his deathbed .. my mother in tears do another dose and drives me out of the room, Isa who approaches me and kisses me .. .... Giulia Giulia smiling at Isa .... I do not see anything, I feel cold, feel pain. .. I do not feel anything ... Isa ... Julie ....
I'd give my life for her ... but how can I give my life if I have not even that. I'm not afraid of death itself ... but all this darkness makes it more clear ... leave her alone ... What can you ask for the death and takes you away? I would ask the death to watch over her? What can I offer? Giulia ...
"Mammaaaaaaa! is Later, when dad comes home? "
" Julia, today is our lucky day .. daddy does not come back home! Come on, I bought a orta fantastic to celebrate! "
" Hello? "
" Hello Isa ... "
" I told you to never calls home! "
" Do not thank me either? I seem to have done a lot for you ... I rigged the analysis, I hid her body ... now you are well covered with me ... I think I deserve a nice reward in return ... do not you think? "
"What do you mean? Well ... if it's just sex ... he can talk money? I have a nice nest egg to think ... "
" Macchi money, machine sex, I do not want you, want you. "
And so I leave you, and I say goodbye to the next update silty ! No rotten tomatoes please! , P
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