Good morning! This is a Lima Day! As promised update slimy! I hope to provide an update every Sunday ... I start uni tomorrow .. sigh! So happy reading, and forgive me ... why? Um leggetemi, I prepare the umbrella anti tomatoes!
My sweet love, do not leave me ... or at least let me explain, let me tell you why I did it ... do not leave, do not follow it, mind you! I never wanted to lie, I never meant to hurt you ... I wonder why my mistakes are always so serious and unforgivable ... Is it a sin to look for more? I'll hold your hand and you would like to leave her, she tends to you, and I know you grabs .... it's no use crying now? But it is so liberating ... nobody will like you ... Let me explain ... still for a moment ... I feel your breath ... I do not want, but it is inevitable ... it is inevitable to tell you everything, not because the truth now would be useful to keep you here, but perhaps because the truth will help me to accept the fact that you're leaving ... then listen to me ... then if you want lasciami... anzi no... ascoltami e resta qui.
Ascoltami e resta qui, furono le prime parole che sentii quando mi ripresi dal mio piccolo mancamento. Kennedy era di fronte a me, il suo tono era passato dal cortese all'irritato. Io ridevo, lo guardavo... non ricordo se fosse colpa sua o del mio cocente imbarazzo... ma l'atmosfera era tutt'altro che serena.
Kennedy mi guardò con aria truce, doveva essersi offeso per la mia reazione apparentemente eccessiva. Ma cosa c'era di eccessivo nella mia reazione? In fondo ero talmente giovane da non concepire ancora il matrimonio. Quel piccolo mondo caldo e sicuro in cui ero vissuto fin da bambina era nuovamente stato sconvolto. Una parte del mio brain was flattered by the idea that a girl like me could attract the attentions of an older man like him. Besides, I had never had a man on the side ... My father was practically run away from me ... and now the opportunity presented itself to me before I had ever expected ... finally a man who would take care of me in every way .. he would stay with me until death ... two strong arms would hold me whenever I was afraid ... but on the other hand, I had not experienced, that bond seemed to me a chain around his neck. My dreams were different, I wanted to go all'univerisà which have become independent career. I do not imagine an apron and a little bundle in her arms screaming ... at least not over the upcoming 10 years!
Kennedy tried to explain to my fears ... but everything just seemed pegiorare the situation ...
"Kennedy, I ... I do not know what to say ... I did not expect ... I was convinced that you and mom ... "
" Do you want me to believe that Isa did not ever say anything about us? "
" Absolutely not! I believe that this is just a terrible misunderstanding ... See, I'm not even an adult ... I have not even got the maturity .... I ... I do not want to marry me now ... I see you as a father, not as a husband! "He tried
closer to me, but I made an instinctive step back.
"Julia, I ... I thought you Isa he had spoken, I misread your enthusiasm for marriage ..." I breathed a sigh of
solievo .. understood, Kennedy had happen to me ...
"... but I do not see you as a child, I do not want you to see me as a father, I do not want you to see me as a husband, do not even want you to see me as a husband ... my only wish is that you see me as a man ... I am in you Julia I see a woman, a beautiful woman ... I wish you could see in me a man, I wish you could see in us a man and a woman who love you want, how I desire you now ... "
He went to touch me, I did not like his sgurado ... I ran away, taking a bite from the stomach, everything was so cofuso for me! I could not understand ....
Kennedy went home to attend assiduously. Of marriage, contrary to my expectations have continued to speak, and he did everything to make our small house in a fututro love nest. All this attention I am puzzled, I did not know if you appreciate all its small details, or feel suffocated. Mom was like outside of the facts. He walked around the new kitchen with confidence, as if this were its natural habitat, after all she and Kennedy were to choose it, not me and Kennedy. They were the couple, not us. I suspect that among them there were more than they gave to see a past. I saw how he looked ... and then because he wanted to marry me and not you? What had I not had my mother? There was a desire in his eyes, because they dare to marry me if she was the one he wanted? At that time I thought those were things that only adults, those turns of phrase and lies, which only helped them to get hurt ... I think what now? Now everything has become less important.
"Whore!"
Kennedy took a violent blow to my mother, ke nevertheless remained standing, with his fierce look, in silence.
"Whore! You have not said anything! The terms were clear, I want her, but she does not want me! He sees me and runs away, as if I did not worry! "
" And we believe Kennedy! You are an animal, do not you see? Hit women! You should make you shit yourself! "
" Shut up snake, or you finally shut your mouth! You will be mine, and I know you want too. You wanted a nice house, and I'm giving you the. You are a mother, but not a mom! Do not just put children into the world to be parents! Stop hiding, we know both that you do not care about her! So let's not your ass. You can convince her to marry me, you can convince her to love me ... and you do not you? I'm doing you a favor, I take away the daughter you never wanted! "
" Kennedy, now you want to take the piss out of me! You'd be doing me a favor? We both know what you want from her, so I'm doing it for you ... and I do it only because I blackmail. So stop doing stupid ... she will marry you, but you have patience ... Time is an invincible weapon. Learn to play your cards right and you're at it ... inisci to pay the rate of living "
She left the room sway, despite his age was still beautiful and sexy, and he knew it.
Every weekend I found myself alone at home, bored. Kennedy was not often you find more, and I thought if it were put away, finally. After hours of tele and terrible flop culinary croiolarmi spent hours on my future. In short, I wanted to be free but free to do ... what? Mom would not let me even invite friends to dinner, all contacts with my peers took place within the small school district ... I never had a best friend nor a boy. I was very popular, but only because I was so beautiful, and because it was my mother, and because we were a respected family. Besides that, I was wondering if there were other possibilities for me. After school would also finished my contacts with the outside world? Maybe Kennedy was really my only opportunity to escape from the bell jar.
A wake of those useless and sad thoughts thought Yanez, who wandered around the house with a busy air. A good look at him was not bad either, will have had 20, and was surprised not to have noticed the first thing. I still burned our last conversation ... I could not stand the idea pensasseio that he was a spoiled little girl. Then I went to him to clarify the thing ....
"Yanez ... "
" Tell me, Miss Julie, has some other beverage to be spread on the floor? You know, I'd be happy to be able to clean! "His sarcasm
irritated me more than a little ...
"No, I wanted to apologize for the last time ... I ... are not the spoiled little girl that you think ... I behaved badly. "
" You know what I'm thinking? I think she has humiliated openly denigrating my work and my person. I think she has even had fun doing it. And you know what? I think the only thing in this moment the mind is the fact that I have called "spoiled little girl." She does not regret what he did, he only eats the liver because I told her what everyone thinks but nobody says. "
" How dare you tell me that! You do not understand anything, "I said with a bite to the throat.
"Oh, but I understand everything very well. After what I said could very well get me fired from his mother, but did not do it, and you know why? Why or have his toy, and without me you would know what to do in this empty house ... does not even have a friend who is find. "
I felt hurt by those words as never before ... was right? No, absolutely not. What did he know?
That night I had a strange dream. Cuncinare I found myself in the kitchen with a huge rabbit that hopped around me, and the great thing is that I thought it quite natural. I kept repeating to cook, and the rabbit screamed "Waitress waitress ..." and I replied that I was a waiter and that mine was an honest job. I awoke with a start ... perhaps at the end I realized Yanez. He was there that was a job that not excited just because it was a job, I was the rabbit's jumping around saying stupid things inconsistent. Ricacciai absurd idea in his head and resumed sleeping. It is true that the night brings counsel, the night brings only wrinkles!
"Julia, do not be a girl! You have to marry Kennedy! You must do it for your own good, even for our own good! "
" For good or for our own good? I find that between the two there is a big difference. Sounds easy for me to marry a man who does not love you? "
" Love, love got to do that! Here parlaimo a serenity that we do not have economic and Kennedy that can serve up a silver platter! "
" But I do not care about economic serenity, I just want to be happy! "
" aaaaah, you're just a spoiled little girl! "
" More, more more! Not mettertici too! You know nothing, you know nothing! "I cried ... I sobbed to leave but she grabbed my arm ... and looked at me with a sgurado that I had ever seen .... except when argued with my father as a child.
"Open your ears girl, why not repeat it a secnda time. You marry Kennedy, resigned. Nothing will change things. And you know what? You will also be very happy to do it, and smile that day. End of discussion. "
I slumped to the ground, now deprived of all strength, with one mission in mind ... REVENGE.
was a warm spring morning, I was alone at home, as usual, and went out the door to get the mail and newspaper. It had been months since my argument with my mother and my discussion with Yanez. I felt really humiliated, no one understood me, I was completely alone. Perhaps it was true, Kennedy was basically a good man, and I had never treated badly, I wanted to, I argued at the bottom ... the idea of marrying Kennedy began to make itself off in my mind ... was the only apparent way out. After all, that was the only future that I could aspire. There was never a university for me.
was then that I met Alonso. It was the paper boy. I was reminded of my mother, and a very old quarrel our first time ... had said that if I had really left alone to choose, I would have married the paper boy ... well, at that time not too pretty un'ideuzza went through my head. There were things that my mother and I could not control it. I'd be married to Kennedy, but before I would have enjoyed it sooo much, and made to pay gliel'avrei waaay expensive. I approached the boy, showing off my eye the most charming and begins to flirt shamelessly with him.
"Hello, you're Alonso true? In theory you attend the same school as me! You know who I am? "I went even closer to him, so I saw him outpost, of course I knew.
"S-ss-yes, you're Julia Lima! Ii-I saw you often run through the halls of the school ..... ... "stammered the boy. I did a little 'tenderness ....
"You know Alonso" I looked him straight in the eyes "I like you a lot but ... I did not know the courage to make me out to school ... You know you're so beautiful e. .. strong and ... Intelligent .... but I have just ... Giulia. "He fell at my feet like a cooked pear. Was done.
"No, Julia, you're beautiful!" I broke out in what I would call a coquettish laugh ... I thought it was not so easy to fool people.
From that day I began exchanging telefonatine and Alonso, to which my mother could not oppose such "tiamonoiodipiùattaccaprimatunoprimatu. She was mad at me, and I only hope that this was just my revenge against him. Things were exactly like that, but I would have continued with this history up to that she had not sold. After all who among us could stand the longest? It was a sort of psychological struggle of titans. She was indifferent but in the end the gnawing, I was the owl, but in the end I was not interested.
When mom was not home, we were Alonso. He was literally lost for me. Obeyed all my orders ... like a dog with the owner. A little 'I died my heart at the thought of using it, on the other hand, no one had ever treated me like him. She worried for me, was governable affectionate, I shook with all the force of her slender arms, her was a typical teenage crush ... of the stronger ones that make you lose your head and touch the sky with a finger ... would surely have been a blow when I gave up but I could not feel worried for him, for once I wanted to take the reins of the report. For once I wanted to be the one to decide!
Our first kiss was very different from how I imagined .... no hearts, no choirs of angels, no butterflies to my stomach. In short, the only one pleased was he .. I found it a bit damp and 'disgusting, to say the truth ... as soon as our lips broke away from each other I saw his eyes shining, and I realized that everything that war was reaping too many victims, not only for Alonso, but me ... I did not want to be like her ... I would never lie to my heart ... Alonso ...
I had to live with courage ... and if I wanted to have na life ... haim had to be hidden. My love made me giddy, but our relationship had to be ipersegreto, I did not want to leave my mother to interfere between us, I had already wasted too much time. Now communicated through notes, since the times when we could touch it was halved.
"raazzina Look, I do not understand why you insist so much in love to spend your leterine! In short, you can not just meet, going to the cinema, like all kids your age? "
" Eddi Fred, do it for me! is really the last time! And then you do not remember it was when you were my age? The love letters are so romantic ..., is not it? "
" Sure baby! Okay come on, I salute you, but next time I call I hope it is just to get groceries, not to send your text messages. "He laughed, it was a fake gruff, and the role of cupid did not mind in fund.
"Come on mom! I beg! is my birthday is celebrating 18 years, a once in a lifetime. let me do a little party with friends! The rest then we will and marriage and I can not do these things! is the only gift I ask of you! "
" You hide from me something I do not believe that you know? is still quell'Alonso? You know that I am against "
" Mom, I Alonso and we're not together a lot! I would not do anything that you could bring grief! "
" And then you give up to get married? "
" Of course, I promise! "
" And how would they? "
The momentum of my arms, happy at last ....
"Yanez Daiiiii! Let me 'I'm please! Come to my birthday! You say that you too have no friends, I do not want to be alone the day when adult dienterò "He smiled, touched ...
"But your mother will not eat the leaves Alonso seeing here?"
"No, do not worry ... I assure you it will not. We made a pact, and each one of us will respect it, to take advantage of course! " I gave him a wink and walked away, happy to have fixed everything, and have got my first birthday party. It was worth it.
Besides me, the party was attended by Kennedy and my mother, Alonso, a friend from school and Yanez. I know it sounds a little party miserable. but for me it was a great achievement. Blow out the candles I wanted to express more than a desire ... so I wanted to be able to live peacefully with my upcoming wedding Kennedy, finally make peace with my mother and my love is not hate me. I thought when I found that I was going to marry me. He did not know, I never had the courage to speak, but sooner or later would come quelmomento, and I knew it ... all nodes come home to roost.
Kennedy decided to make a toast.
"A Julia, who finally became a woman, and our upcoming wedding!" I smiled, even though my smile was obviously forced. But he seemed radiant, and at the same time relieved.
All around me cheered, but he who walked out the door shockkato not enter again. I wanted to follow him, tell him I was sorry, but the whole thing seemed so absurd that it can not be told. Would not understand, and I knew it. A chapter of my life was closing, hours before Kennedy was to me, and I had to force myself to be radiant.
was the first time I drank alcohol, I decided to swallow the liquid acid, maybe I found the courage to do what I was doing.
Kennedy grabbed me, in what seemed to me more than a hug a wall outlet. While my lips come close to her I was reminded of my first kiss, the lips of my love, and I wondered if that kiss a Kennedy would be the same, or if it would be better. You should not have so many thoughts in your head when you kiss your boyfriend, you just kiss him. I make left, I suffered that kiss, and I did not feel anything, I love it disgust, he was a man, but for me it was just an unwanted boyfriend, but I would have certainly said in the face. When we looked off his confident gaze, I stared at his dark eyes so different from mine, and I resigned. It was not easy, but I resigned.
Although Kennedy did not want me to get up one finger, I decided to get a job, if only to feel independent. He agreed, for me it was an unexpected gift, after the man was doing so much to me, and I so little for him. we had never gone beyond the kissing, and he does not complained, in fact respected me. I preferred to postpone, postpone, postpone. Cercone with pen work for me .... dishwasher. Already never imagined the climb to success, my white uniform, my chef's hat. I went down to the ground immediately, Mom was calling me, I had to do the ultimate test for the wedding dress. I took that bit of independence and happiness at the same time as inputs to move forward. Ultimately, Kennedy was not bad.
I did a lot of practice at home, studying for the job and make delicious sandwiches with cheese for my boyfriend. I wanted to be a good hostess, and a career woman. At the same time, there were calls for them, shipped and sent back all the favors, flowers, hairdresser, moving to Kennedy at home .. a lot of things. I felt like a juggler who was turning a lot of balls over the head, my fear was that fell on the ground ... and if that fear was desire. I often wonder what would have happened if I had escaped, and I pursued my love out the door and we ran away together in a romantic getaway to the skyline. But that was not life. was not one of the tales that Dad told me before bed. You can not live if or but, you pull forward.
Our engagement was not a its official, Kennedy I had never even got an engagement ring, and I do not because I'd taken it interested me very little, for this was that morning, the eve of our wedding I was so amazed by his proprosta. I did not know whether to laugh for assuridtà the situation, or cry with emotion at the beauty of that gesture. Handed it to me so, without saying a word, looking at me with those eyes, a whipped dog. I took it as a discreet gesture, like "Please marry me." I liked it, slipped on her finger and I felt at last the lonely woman. My work colleagues would envy me so much, needless to say I boasted I would not make me too many scruples. We must always find the bright side of things, that brillocco was the positive side, even positivissimo!
At our mtrimonio was only my mother. As I have said all vevano politely declined the invitation, perhaps because it seemed very suspicious that a man so old that it was nineteen years ago with my boyfriend amdre, now we just wanted to marry me, that Ultimately I was a kid in their eyes. The expression of my mother was indecipherable, I could not take any emotion in his eyes. She was beautiful, that dress wrapped in green bottles. The sea was a perfect setting, it seemed a repeat of the marriage of my parents. The suit was close to my brush, even though the lace pinch my ... nice play on words.
After Kennedy finished talking platitudes and say we finally declared husband and wife. No, I was not happy, not at all, and while we shook on that hug / kiss that seemed to suck me I thought my love, I thought his arms, my fingers sinking into the back of Kennedy, but in his, her lips that I was baciado were not of Kennedy, no, those were my love. And while I imagined what it would be nice to live that moment with another, he whispered to me sweet words into your ear, telling me that I was happy and loved ... I cried, he thought they were tears of commozzione ... I thought he was cursed for that beach weddings.
We cut the cake immediately, or rather, was to cut him and take. I understood immediately that her husband would have been a decisive and uncompromising on certain things like family and woman's place. I already had guessed, but if I let lorare, I would not have had obbiezzioni. At the bottom go from one prison to another made no difference to me. I caught the desire in his eyes, and as I walked away leaving only a mother, I thought that moment had arrived. That time so special you would like to share with someone you love ... Well I would have shared with him. I know, it was my husband, my mind knew it, but how could I convince my heart and my body to let "take him"?
"It's late ... if you like ...."
could I say no?
I lay on the bed ... I hoped he understood my fear from my eyes, I hoped he understood that I was not ready for that, at least not with him ... I felt guilty against this man whose only fault was not the man I wanted? I knew he understood, but did not back ... Approached her face to mine and kissed me .... I kissed ... I kissed ... I was trembling with fear ...
"Julia, what did you love?"
"I do not know ... I think it's normal ... it is the first time e. .. "
" Still love your husband and you are mo, no I would never hurt you! "
voltuo so I believe his words, so I wanted my body ceases to move away from her, I wanted that he did not feel that sense of danger to its every touch ... interpreted as all my childish tantrum ... I decided to rebel against the absurd, and I fear avicinai him ...
I held her, gently, and began to talk of his future projects ...
"Julia, I see a future with you ... I can not wait this house is filled with children, laughter and bright, I wish we all had a good life, I would never let you, I want to see you smile. You do me a smile? "
smiled shyly under the weight of all the Projects, which would be so nice if uscti sati from the mouth of another ...
"I just want you to be happy ... Giulia and you ... I do not want to be happy? "
" Sure ... Kennedy "
" Love, really want me to be happy? "
" Of course Julia ... "I quickly became an idea for the head. this was the time to do it ....
"You had something for me?"
"Anything .... "He said 'I'll do what you want ... whatever. "
" If you make me a promise I will make love to you ... "
That night was different from what every girl imagines, but I knew that at that price it was worth the pain .
And this time it's over! I open the umbrella and ... discuss!
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